As I stated in my last post, I'm writing mostly to adopting dads, though if the shoe fits you may certainly wear it. And adopting moms, you can check out our family's journey and info and story at the Queen's blog.
What am I supposed to do with all the frustration that comes with adoption, especially overseas adoption? Can I name a few, so you can identify some that might be rolling around in your heart?
Warning, gut-level honesty ahead...
If I'm doing something I'm supposed to be doing, why in the stink is it so hard?
And not marathon hard, but stupid, ridiculous, box-didn't-get-checked, hassle x 10,000 hard? It's one thing, at least for me, if I accomplish something that was hard but had purpose behind it. Some of this adoption stuff just seemed asinine. Ridiculous. Why was it hard like that?
Why does my wife keep looking and checking when the next set of matches is going to come out? Doesn't she know it'll get here when it gets here? It goes into the cycle of Check -> Disappointment -> "Nothing can comfort me so don't try" -> Get better just in time for the next set of matches to come out. In her defense, the Queen has not checked even a single blog or forum this time around. This is not me griping but identifying things that have been or could be frustrating. Part of the difference, I learned last time, was with a pregnancy both husband and wife know (more or less) when the baby will be here. With adoption, not so much - which is brutal on a mom's heart.
Why if other agencies don't follow "the rules" does my agency not play along by the actual rules instead of the printed ones? If everyone is being unethical, is it unethical to play along? (especially when it could rescue a little one sooner)
Speaking of rescue, if I'm doing this and it's going to be spiritually beneficial, can't some other things in life break my way? Hello? God? Are you noticing that I'm a pastor and work for YOU and yet I get my tires changed and the guy breaks one of the studs so that I need to get it replaced with time I don't have? Just a little help here would be nice.
We read our little one's medical report. But why did it have to be worse than what it said? Were we duped here? Or were those people just too overworked / overrun / overstupid to notice? For the record, Peanut had more involved than we knew that we didn't figure out until we were there but we obviously wouldn't trade her for anything.
So yes, dear reader, you can ask those questions and let them expose your entitlement and weak-kneed, bite-sized, always happy faith like they did mine.
And then you do something about it.