Thoughts from an Adoptive Dad who's doing it again (Part 3)

Don't lose your kids.

I'm not talking about accidentally trading them in for a 94" LCD LED flat-screen TV in Walmart.  And I'm not talking about being separated from them as you rush in to get ahead of everyone else for stuff that you will probably not use in a few years.

I'm talking about losing them.

This is one thing I'm uniquely and purposefully focusing on this time around in our adoption process. I don't want to lose my kids.  Our family is currently made up of two biological boys, an adopted princess, and a foster son.  I don't want any of them to miss out on the process.

I'm trying to talk to them about it.  I'm trying to encourage them toward thinking about it.  Especially the soon-to-be big sister.  I want this to be formative for them too.

I'm not sure they'll get the opportunity to travel to China with us.  I kind of hope they can, but the timing has to be there (along with the extra money to make it happen - frankly I'm more worried about the timing with school and other medical needs of our current roster).  With Maggie's health situation, I'm not sure there will be a huge chunk of time to sit around and celebrate when we get back.

But I don't want them to miss it.  And I don't want to lose them along the way.

Thoughts from an Adoptive Dad who's doing it again (Part 2)

As I stated in my last post, I'm writing mostly to adopting dads, though if the shoe fits you may certainly wear it.  And adopting moms, you can check out our family's journey and info and story at the Queen's blog.

What am I supposed to do with all the frustration that comes with adoption, especially overseas adoption?  Can I name a few, so you can identify some that might be rolling around in your heart?

Warning, gut-level honesty ahead...

If I'm doing something I'm supposed to be doing, why in the stink is it so hard?

And not marathon hard, but stupid, ridiculous, box-didn't-get-checked, hassle x 10,000 hard?  It's one thing, at least for me, if I accomplish something that was hard but had purpose behind it.  Some of this adoption stuff just seemed asinine.  Ridiculous.  Why was it hard like that?

Why does my wife keep looking and checking when the next set of matches is going to come out?  Doesn't she know it'll get here when it gets here?  It goes into the cycle of Check -> Disappointment -> "Nothing can comfort me so don't try" -> Get better just in time for the next set of matches to come out.  In her defense, the Queen has not checked even a single blog or forum this time around.  This is not me griping but identifying things that have been or could be frustrating.  Part of the difference, I learned last time, was with a pregnancy both husband and wife know (more or less) when the baby will be here.  With adoption, not so much - which is brutal on a mom's heart.

Why if other agencies don't follow "the rules" does my agency not play along by the actual rules instead of the printed ones?  If everyone is being unethical, is it unethical to play along? (especially when it could rescue a little one sooner)

Speaking of rescue, if I'm doing this and it's going to be spiritually beneficial, can't some other things in life break my way?  Hello?  God?  Are you noticing that I'm a pastor and work for YOU and yet I get my tires changed and the guy breaks one of the studs so that I need to get it replaced with time I don't have?  Just a little help here would be nice.

We read our little one's medical report.  But why did it have to be worse than what it said?  Were we duped here?  Or were those people just too overworked / overrun / overstupid to notice?  For the record, Peanut had more involved than we knew that we didn't figure out until we were there but we obviously wouldn't trade her for anything.

So yes, dear reader, you can ask those questions and let them expose your entitlement and weak-kneed, bite-sized, always happy faith like they did mine.

And then you do something about it.

Thoughts from an Adoptive Dad who's doing it again (Part 1)

My wife, the Queen, over at our family's blog is telling the story of how God has led us and has moved mountains for us in our current adoption process.  I want to piggy back on that this week to help out any adoptive dads (or moms) who might need another voice cheering them on in their process.

Today, I want to take just a moment to encourage dads not to be passive in this.  Typically, one person drives the process and the other is along for the ride.  In our first adoption (2009) and our foster care parenting (2013), the Queen drove the process.  I did my necessary paperwork and agreed with the direction, but it was a ride-along and not participatory - in my honest moments, much more so for the foster care than the adoption.  It took God rattling my cage with both to make me a willing participant in the truest sense of that term.

For the adoption, it was a picture.  For foster care, it was a story of a kiddo.  Both were heart-wrenching, what I call Divine Heart Surgery on me.  Until then, though, I think the Queen would say that she very much felt alone in the process even though I was accomplishing things that needed to get done.  Up until Surgery, she was flying solo emotionally.

Even if you don't necessarily feel connected to a piece of paper or a concept of a child, I encourage you to jump in.  Disconnection in the process is easy to do for men who have other kids, have demanding jobs, and who have this sense of a wife who's not content with the state of the family right now.  Jump in.  Even if you don't feel it at first.  Discipline yourself to ask questions.  Ask for ways to help out.  Make sacrifices to move things along.

On the other side, wives need to give some room for their husbands to come around.  That was a gift from the Queen to me.  She never quit the process, but she also didn't demand I be where she was (though she might have wished it).

Here's the outcome.  Adoption was such an incredible experience for our family that I wanted to adopt again from overseas (I thought Africa, though God had different plans).  In this particular process, I think it's fair to say that I've been driving as much (or maybe more) as the Queen has.  And I think that's part of the reason God is moving mountains, because we're both so earnest and zealous for this.

If you're an adoptive mom or dad who might need some help with this or another issue, by all means find a phone or an email account and make contact.  All of my information is accessible at Heritage Park [dot] org.

Sermon notes from Sunday, 11.24.13

Here are the pre-Thanksgiving Sunday notes from Psalm 111.  You can find these notes in PDF and the sermon audio at sermons.heritagepark.org.  You can also get the audio on iTunes via our podcast.

Thanksgiving 2013

Psalm 111

We give thanks to God in His congregation

Question of structure v. spontaneity

We give thanks to God for His works

The works of the LORD are great (v.2)

They are so great they invite study

Studying His works leads to understanding His character

His works capture our attention

The works of the LORD are majestic (v.3)

They are so great they inspire awe 

Unless our head is so far buried, they will inspire us

His works capture our affections

The works of the LORD are remembered (v.4)

They are so great they impact consciences

God has willed this to be so and has called many to account because of it

God’s story is His demonstration of “gracious and merciful”.

Throughout the story, He’s working redemption for His people (v.9)

His works capture our allegiance

November 22, 1963

There were plenty of people who died on November 22, 1963.

The President of the United States was one of them.  John F. Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald.  In public.  In the open air.  On film.  Next to his wife.  Brutal.

Who knows what the world would have become had he lived?

On another continent, another guy with the nickname Jack also died from complications related to kidney failure.  His brother found him.  No film.  No public.  No bullet.  No wife.

The world knows what it has become since he died.  Because he lives on his writings.  His life and his writings have pointed people to a better place.  His life and writings pointed to the importance of fidelity in marriage and joy in suffering.  His life and writings pointed to the importance and influence of friendship.  Narnia.  Miracles.  Abolitions and Great Divorces.  Mere Christianity.  Reflections on songbooks and meditations on four kinds of love.

And this leads me to conclude, with no disrespect to the former President of his family:

Clive Staples Lewis > John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Thoughts for a Thursday

Brennan Manning, in his gem of a book The Ragamuffin Gospel, has one of my favorite quotes about the stuttering and halting nature of discipleship of all time.  Some mental chewing gum today...

When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes.  I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty.  I ma trusting and suspicious.  I am honest and I still play games.  Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer. (p.22 of Multnomah's 1990 edition)

Sermon series on Adoption from a church in our area

Clear Creek Community Church, a great and influential church in our area, is doing a series on adoption.  I think it's a 3-week series, although it might be 4.  If you're looking for an understanding of spiritual adoption from a biblical perspective and the horizontal, practical impact that has, check out this link (to their sermon resource page) and explore.

http://www.clearcreek.org/resources/media/sermon-series/wanted-the-grace-of-gods-adoption/

The Power of Words on the 150th Anniversary of Gettysburg Address

On November 19th, 1863, President Abraham Lincoln looked out over the devastation that was the battlefield of Gettysburg and memorably, profoundly, and powerfully shaped the nation with these words:

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

That's it.  All 272 words.  But powerful words.

And so just a brief exhortation on this sesquicentennial to think about your words and their power:

I love you.  I forgive you.  I'm sorry.  I believe.  I do.  

Whatever your words, they carry power.  Use them wisely.

But that's just me thinking thoughts...

The stunning beauty of generosity

I preached yesterday to the church from 2 Corinthians 9, Paul's passage on giving and the blessings of participating in it.  And that's the point of the blog entry today.  Giving is participating.

In what are you participating?  Giving is participating in ministry.  Some can't go or physically do what others can do.  But giving is still participating in ministry because it makes possible the participation of others.

Our church sent a crew to Galveston Island this past summer to work with kiddos who are severely disadvantaged and have some significant emotional and relational needs.  We had 2-3 of our crew that didn't have the money to go because of their own family situation.  The church jumped in and put together about $600 in about 6 minutes and had the rest of the situation covered.  Anyone and everyone who gave to that trip and allowed those kids to go essentially went with them.

From the text on Sunday, when you give you are "abounding in good works."  When you give, you are "sowing."  It is a "ministry of service that supplies the needs of the saints."  All powerful participation principles.

Giving is, in its own right, ministry.  I'm grateful to God that He saw fit to provide a way for a broad swath of people to participate in ministry.  That's what giving does, broadens the participatory strata.

But that's just me thinking thoughts...

Do you ever think about "Free Will?"

I'm finishing a doctoral class on a pastor and theologian named Jonathan Edwards.  He has been so helpful to me in so many places, but one place in particular and with one picture in particular.

Reading the New Testament, it becomes pretty clear that people have intrinsic value, make real choices, and reap real consequences based on those choices.  But it's equally clear that we're slaves to sin, have a fallen nature that is turned against God, and make sinful and damnable choices according to the inclination of our hearts.  How can all of this be?

Edwards has helped me by putting all of this together in a picture that is wonderfully simple and makes so much sense.

He describes two different men who are locked in prison because of an offense.  The prince comes after some time to free the men because he has forgiven them.  To the first man he calls out, "You're free.  Come out of the prison and live."  But the man is still shackled to the wall, behind multiple closed doors, and guarded by watchmen.  He never comes because he is unable to break free.

That's how we picture ourselves in some sense.  Jesus comes to rescue us but we're shackled in sin, etc.  So the role of Jesus is to open the doors and we'll come out.  But that's not how Edwards (nor the Bible!) teaches we are.  The first man described is a foil to set up the second man.

The second prisoner experiences the same call:  "Come out of the prison and live!"  The doors are opened.  The guards are dismissed.  The chains are loosed.  But the man so despises the Prince, he stays inside.  He has the ability to go free, but in another sense doesn't have the ability to go free (because of his hatred for the prince).

That second guy - that's us.  We are naturally born bent away from God.  We have the capacity to go free but not the desire to do so.  We love our sin so much that we stay in the prison.  Unless Christ, by the Holy Spirit, regenerates us and gives us a new heart to love Him, we will stay as such.

Here's the summary statement of Edwards on the will of man...

You can if you will - but you won't "until."

Theology on a Thursday?  You bet.