What I'm Learning about Patience

Here's the setting:

Son comes down to eat his 87th snack of the day at 10:00pm.  I'm wrapping up, locking up, and turning off lights.  He sits down at the kitchen table.  I do too.  

He eats like a sloth on barbiturates.

Every cracker gets divided into 64ths.  Chewing is like glacial activity.  The peanut butter between the crackers gets licked off...every microgram of it.

Me-to-myself:  JUST EAT YOUR @#$)#%*(@$ CRACKERS SO WE CAN GO TO BED BECAUSE I'M FREAKING TIRED ALREADY AND ISN'T THIS YOUR 12TH PACKAGE OF PEANUT BUTTER CRACKERS TODAY???

Me-to-him:  Hey bud.  Tell me about camp.  What was the coolest thing you learned or had reinforced? (while still steaming on the inside)

Him-to-me:  Some thoughtful responses, some late night blather.  

Me-to-him:  What's one thing you need to do to reinforce all that?

Him-to-me:  I need to _____________.  (a solid action step)  Hey dad, you want one of these crackers?

Me-to-him:  Nope.

He finished just short of 22 hours later (it seemed), washed his hands, brushed his teeth (again).  Then, at the top of the stairs as he was headed to his room and I was headed to mine...

"Hey dad.  Thanks for sitting with me.  It was really great to talk to you.  Goodnight!" *big hug*

Me-to-myself:  Thank you God that I didn't say out loud all the impatient things I was thinking...

Here's what I'm learning about patience:

I'm only patient when things don't go as I planned in either direction or timing.  That's the only time I get to exercise patience.  When it goes my way, no patience is needed.

Be smart enough not to say everything that I'm thinking.  And be gracious enough not to hold other people to what they said but may not have meant in the heat of the moment.  Parents.  Kids.  Spouses.  Bosses.  Employees.  They all apply.

I can't think of an example in my life or those I know where someone says, "Gee, I wish I would've been less patient there."  The payoff for patience can look like a life-giving hug at the top of the stairs or something meaningful to you.  But it almost always pays off.  To be clear, I'm not talking about passivity here - sitting and doing nothing and expecting God to sort it all out.  I'm talking about patience - the kind of intentional and active waiting (or sitting at the table conversing over peanut butter crackers) that the Bible describes.

Here's hoping that helps someone today.

Today is a Big Day

There's something special about July 8.  Want to guess?

She's the kind of feisty that makes you think her natural hair color is red.

She's the kind of strong-willed that has made her a fighter and a survivor, putting Ronda Rousey to shame and leaving highly educated people scratching their heads.

She's the kind of hilarious that invokes a belly laugh by simply remembering some of the shenanigans that lie in her wake.

She's the kind of beauty that smiles from so deep within that her eyes disappear.

She's the kind of trouble that has The Queen and I saying, "If you had been a first, you'd have been an only."

She's the kind of cute that has 1000 faces and infects us with her giggles.

Happy Birthday, Minion.

Exactly 1 Year Ago

One year ago at this very moment, my phone rang with the incalculably valuable Bec on the other end of the line, giving me horrific news that our baby girl was in the middle of two massive strokes.

One year ago right now, I couldn't breathe and was trying to drive on the Gulf Freeway with my other 3 in the car...trying not to fall apart until I could get them settled.

One year ago right now, The Queen was holding the Minion and, in the kind of gift of mercy that you never ask for but are grateful for, knew exactly what to do and what to say.

One year ago, Framily showed up like an army of yard-mowers, food-deliverers, bed-providers, and most of all prayer-warriors.

One year ago, all hell broke loose but Reigning Father rubbed His hands together eagerly in anticipation of the process of redeeming of it all.

One year ago, we were pressed but not crushed, struck down but not destroyed.  We were corks in the hurricane - tossed but held afloat somehow.  We were sieves, with a few solid spots but mostly holes.

One year ago, Dr. Ken Brady in the CVICU and another attending named Cesár began the process of medically treating and saving my little girl's life.

One year ago right now, I was never sure that I'd be typing what I'm typing.

Through it all, God is faithful.  Through it all, God is good.  Amen.

Raising boys and strutting in the yard

As my boys get older, I've noticed something.  The three males in the family (Max the dog excluded) have conflict over who is the biggest rooster in the hen house.  It shows up in various ways, but I have to consistently remind the other two little roosters that I'm still the biggest.  And I might have to remind the biggest rooster that it's not always that important to be seen as the biggest as it is to be the biggest.

So here are a couple of lessons I'm learning.  I don't share these as "These are things you should do too."  I share them as, "Hey, these are things I'm discovering about myself and the process of raising boys."

1.  Patience is a virtue, but it's harder to find than snow in Miami when a little rooster is trying to unseat you.

2.  Being calm is best.  I've done this successfully once.  Once.  And it really worked.  The rest of the time I've resorted to threatening to throw a rooster in an ice cold pool.  Now that it's warming up, I need to come up with a better threat.  Or be calmer.

3.  There's a balance between letting them learn to puff their chest out and be insubordinate.  One expresses some growing levels of testosterone and manhood.  The other is rebellion and dangerous to their character.  And it's tough to figure out which is which sometimes.

4.  It's hard to remember that I'm shaping arrows to be launched at The Enemy when I can't straighten them like I think they should be.  Maybe that's because I need to learn to shoot better.

So for all those with little roosters, may God bless you as you raise them.  And despite my parenting, may mine grow up to be men who make a difference.

Goodbye 2014 - You Won't Be Missed

According to the date of the most recent post, it's been about 2.5 months since I last tried to say something that you might benefit from reading.  It has felt that long too.  There was some much needed recouping and regrouping to do after such a year.

Goodbye 2014.  You won't be missed.

Instead, I'm going to look forward to this coming year.  I won't let the struggles of the past become my identity of the present, knowing there are Stockholm Syndrome-like dangers of becoming the person who doesn't know how to live apart from the pain and the past.  Telling the story of 2014, we hope, will spread God's name far and wide.  But I don't want to live with my identity in our struggle but in our Savior (the Queen gets all the credit for boiling that down to its core).  May it be true for all who encountered life-shaping struggles in this past year.

I look forward to fighting for the things that matter:  belief in God's goodness and His sovereignty as really real and truly true, the transformation of my own heart before I seek it in others, the fidelity and mutuality of marriage to an amazing woman who devastates me, the hearts of kids who apparently are eating Miracle-Gro, conversations that are not mediated by a device, a neighborhood full of people who need Good News and a Friend to Sinners, a world full of brokenness that I can do something about, a church who deserves a better pastor, and a prayer life that enjoys the conversation more than the results of it.

I look forward to more time in God's Word without weaponizing it to make sure I get my way.  Had that happen.  It feels worse than a flu screen (also happened).  Both are painful and awkward.  I'm confident I've done that before.  Somehow being on the receiving end reminds me all the more and makes me more acutely aware how precious the words are and how they can perform as a two-edged sword to do His work without my help or hijacking of His agenda.

Goodbye 2014.  You won't be missed.  Here's to 2015, whatever it holds.  And to Him who holds it.

We're on the hunt for a Children's Pastor

To anyone and everyone who reads this blog, please feel free to share this post with people you know who (a) might be interested or (b) know someone who might be interested.

So much of church staff searches are networking, so I'm asking for some help.  Please pass along the information included in this post and the link to the Job Description below.

We are on the hunt for a full-time Children's Pastor, a person willing to take on responsibility for the children's and preschool ministries of our church, Heritage Park Baptist Church.  We do our best to hire stellar pastors who seek to pastor the church through their particular area of ministry.  If you know someone who might be interested, please have them contact me via email:  trent at heritage park dot org.

You can download a PDF of the job description and send it along (or just send the link) by clicking here.

I have found a new prayer for my kids...

I have found a new prayer for my kids in an unlikely place.  The biblical book of Job.

And though your beginning was small, your latter days will be very great. [Job 8.7]

Bildad, Job's unfriendly friend, says this to Job in the midst of his suffering.  It's in the context of God's justice in the world and, essentially, a call to repentance.  We know how the story goes:  Job wasn't particularly guilty of anything except loving God so much, so Satan was allowed to test him with disaster, disease, and dumb friends.

Terrible friends though they were, they didn't necessarily lie.  God is just.  God does rouse Himself on behalf of those who see Him (8.4-6).  Those things are true.  They just weren't particularly helpful to Job - and for the record, not particularly helpful in the hospital room either.

That is all digression to come back around to this point.  I like the prayer that leapt in my heart when I read 8.7 this week as part of my McCheyne reading plan.  

I like it because all four of my kids have faced hardships in their lives in the earliest of stages.  The Bear has a hereditary issue that is degenerative which we discovered at 4.  The Ninja had emergency surgery at 6 weeks, had significant food allergies until he was 2, and almost had his liver shut down at 18 months.  The Peanut started life in a different country and has physical challenges of her own.  And the latest addition (who isn't in our possession yet) may very well top them all with her situation.  

Though the beginning was small, may their latter days be great.  And not just great.  Very great.  Influentially great.  Powerfully great.  Love-soaked great.  Loyalty-stained great.  Much-fruit great.  Very great.

A new prayer birthed in a dad's heart.  You're welcome to join in for your own kids in the same way.

Happy Birthday to the Bear

Happy Birthday to my now 11-year old.  

I've seen you come into the world

We've played golf (which was SO fun with you)

I've watched you grow

And I'm glad you're mine.  Happy birthday, Bear.

From the Queen: How will you change the world?

This is from my wife.  The original post is found at: http://www.4uruthie.blogspot.com/2013/08/how-will-you-change-world.html

It's too good not to share...

I try to get regular alone time with my each individual kids where we go on a special date and just talk about them.  Last night I took Jack back-to-school shopping and to dinner at his favorite restaurant.  Conversations with Jack look a lot more like conversations with a college student than conversations with a 10-year old.  He wanted to talk about Edward Snowden and if his actions served our country or jeopardized our security.  We talked about racial profiling and then finished with the China One-Child policy.

Then it got personal.  I felt prompted to ask him how he was going to change the world as a result of his physical challenges.  My little computer nerd told me that he wants to be a surgeon and he wants to help other children with physical needs to be more functional.  That warmed this mom's heart.  I hate that my little guy can't run or keep up with his friends but I can honestly say that I would rather have a compassionate, God-fearing, spiritually called child who is physically challenged than a selfish, world-loving athletic one.

I explained to Jack that when my mom died, there were several women who stepped in to care for me and make sure that I knew I was loved.  That struggle of growing up without a mom and their willingness to step up and take care of me formed in me the heart I have for orphans today.  I may not have changed the world, but I have changed Ruthie's world, DJ's world, and the world of any other orphans who come into our home.

Life is hard.  It's not fair and no one ever said it would be.  We can sit around and feel sorry for ourselves or we can take our experiences, seek the Lord in them, and let Him use them to change the world for someone else.

How will you change the world because of your life experiences?

Kids' Success Depends on Grit

I mentioned this TED Talk by Dr. Angela Duckworth in my sermon on Sunday.  In it, she explained the main characteristic of success among kids she studied:  Grit.  The biblical word for that is perseverance or endurance or steadfastness.  It's that quality of Grit that leads to proven character.  Consider...

"Perseverance leads to proven character..." (Romans 5.3-5)

"Let steadfastness have its perfect effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1.2-4)

"[supplement] to your steadfastness, godliness..." (2 Peter 1.5-8)

You see the connection?  Godly character is formed by Grit.  Of course, you find out how much Grit you have by walking through tough times.  Sometimes we rescue our kids too quickly from those.

Somebody somewhere described the future as the amplification of your character.  I'm not 100% sure that's 100% accurate, but there's enough truth in it to pay attention.  If that's even mostly true (which I agree that it is), then character development is like oxygen to a drowning man - desperately needed.  For us.  For our kids too.

Enjoy these 6 1/2 minutes of goodness...

Sermon Notes from Sunday, 8.11.13 on Ephesians 6.1-4

Here are the sermon notes from Sunday, 8.11.13, on Ephesians 6.1-4.  You can get these notes in PDF and the sermon audio on our website, sermons.heritagepark.org.  You can also get the audio on iTunes via our podcast.

Ephesians

22 – The Spirit and Parents 

Ephesians 6.1-4

The Spirit fills us to parent – the Kingdom is present and powerful for moments like this

Honor is a posture of the heart

Take our cue from the responsibility of kids: responsiveness.
• That’s what we’re training them to do – be responsive to us so that they can
be responsive to God


If we’re training kids to respond to the voice of God, how do we do that?

The Positive Path of Training

• Train them in the Gospel via your words and actions
  
• Train them to respect authority
  
• Train them to work
  
• The biblical picture is of an arrow: drawn back and then released
  
• Draw them back for nurture, instruction, training
  Let them go for experience, purpose, impact

The Negative Path of Warning

• We have to disabuse ourselves of the notion that our kids are to be our friends.
  
• We live in a culture that never wants a child to be angry:
  
• The biblical picture is an heirloom: a family treasure 
  

Maybe just maybe God is silent for this reason...

I'm by no means a God-expert.  And I'm certainly not a parental expert.  But I wonder if those times when God is silent, it might not be a little like parenting.

You know the God-is-silent routine, right?

Prayers seems like they hit the ceiling and fall right back down.  You talk to God and it feels like a cosmic echo chamber:  empty, void, bouncing without landing anywhere.  You need some movement and some guidance - you'd take writing on the wall, a fleece on the ground, anything - but there's nothing.  On the other end of the line, nada.  Your text doesn't get a reply.  It maybe feels like not only is God not picking up, but doesn't even has His phone with Him.

You get the idea.

God could be silent for 1000 reasons.  Most of them remain mysterious to me.  But sometimes, when He is silent, I wonder if it's because He's a good father.  I have a kid who tries, at times, to draw out a reaction by stating something ludicrous or possibly even rude.  It's a childish attempt to gain attention and we, generally as parents, don't even pause in conversation to acknowledge it because we want that one to know that it's not a good communication skill, not good relationship building, and does not lead to good character.

We're just silent.

The idea is that there is something deeper to be discovered and a stronger, healthier way to relate.  And I think God probably does the same.  In order to wait us out, be patient until we discover a stronger, healthier way to relate, He's quiet.  He give us the room provided by His silence to actually listen to our hearts and see what's in our soul.

And when we bring that stuff to Him, He's always willing to talk about that.  He loves dealing with our hearts.  And so sometimes He's silent.

But that's just me thinking thoughts...

Snakes are Scary: Men in Labor

I couldn't have laughed harder.

And been more grateful.

Two guys go through a labor simulation.  3 minutes of hilarity.

A Pig, a Scale, and the STAAR test

This was written by Pastor Brent Beasley in Fort Worth who I just so happen to know from seminary.  All credit is his.  And what a commentary...

Here's a little something I wrote this morning in honor of STAAR testing:

The Pigs and the Scale

The farmer wants his pigs to be fat. Of course he does. The fatter the better.

He became concerned when he realized that, even though he fed them all the same, some pigs were fatter than others. The problem, he concluded, was that he wasn’t weighing the pigs enough. So he began to weigh the pigs a few times a year. Still, while some of the pigs were getting plenty fat, many of them were still skinny or, at least, not fat enough.

The farmer decided that the best thing to do to solve the problem would be to weigh them again and again throughout the year. So, the farmer invested a lot of his resources in weighing. He developed new types of scales. He began keeping complicated records of the pigs’ weights. He devised a system where he could compare the weights of the pigs not just individually but between each different pen and also based on what color each pig was. All the while, the pigs weren’t getting any fatter. The only thing that seemed to be getting fatter was the wallet of the scale-maker.

So, the farmer added more weigh-ins. And in the days and weeks leading up to each weigh-in, he held practice weigh-ins for the pigs. One day, the pigs were looking longingly at the food piled up around their pens. “No time to waste sitting around eating,” the farmer said. “I need you to practice weighing. Here are some tips on how to make yourself seem heavier.” The only weigh-in strategy that seemed to help at all was eating a good breakfast.

But even on the days that one particular group of pigs wasn’t weighing-in or practicing weighing-in, the farmer didn’t like them to eat. Pigs are noisy eaters, you know. They might disturb the others who are weighing-in or practicing weighing-in. Besides, there was no one to feed them, anyway. All the workers on the farm were overseeing the weighing of the pigs or the practicing of the weighing of the pigs in some of the other pens, so the pigs that weren’t being weighed or practicing being weighed were herded over to one particular area and told to sit still, be quiet, and wait.

After the last weigh-in of the year, everybody relaxed. But the pigs wondered, “Why bother to eat now, if we aren’t going to even be weighed anymore?” The farmer told them that the weighing was only to help them get fatter. But the pigs didn’t believe him. They knew that the scale was much more important than the food. They knew that it’s the weighing that makes a pig fatter. They had been taught that well.

Calling Him Father

"Well..."

That's how the Peanut starts some of her sentences to explain what's going on or how something happened or how she's feeling about something.  It's so cute.  Adorable.  And funny sounding coming from a 6-year old.

And then there's the Ninja, whose team I am coaching in basketball.  He has the emotional intelligence to know that Coach Daddy yelling to get on a man or shoot the basketball makes him feel the same as when Daddy Daddy has to tell him for the third time to put his shoes on (and yes, on occasion, the voice does raise a little bit).  But he doesn't have the emotional intelligence to discern that encouragement and coaching on the court isn't the same as frustration at home - he's seven and I don't expect otherwise.

And the Bear lives in a sometimes imaginary world where he thinks about doing stuff and even can see himself doing it, then tells a story like he's actually done it.  The vast majority of it is innocent exaggeration of a kid who's trying to find his place and understand his role in the world.  Trying to help him navigate waters between the Scylla of truth-telling and Charybdis of the loss of creativity is a hearty task.

I love my kids.  They are so much a force of joy in my life.

And then it hits me.

I have a Father too.  He enjoys my funny sayings.  He knows I don't have the capacity to handle everything that's in front of me right now and He's pretty okay with that.  He is wise enough to shoot a narrow gap with me and enjoy the company along the way.

For me, in this moment, that's what it means to call Him Father.

But that's just me thinking thoughts...

Upward Basketball Coaching

I coached my first Upward basketball practice last night.  A group of eight 7-year olds were mine for 55 minutes.  Here are some things I learned...

At 39, I'm not 18.  Enough said.

The key skill for children's basketball is dribbling.  Think of it like chewing.  Yes, it's that necessary.  No, it does not come that easily or automatically.

Parents who jump off the sideline to help with drills are how I know the truth that I just might be entertaining angels unaware (Heb. 13.2).

Though we don't keep score in most smaller kids leagues, competition is healthy.  I'm not sure I'm a fan of not keeping score - but I'm not in charge and so am glad to play by their rules.

Upward, as an organization, is very well run and organized.  Kudos to them and I'm glad we're a part of it.  For all who can participate and can bring a friend, I recommend it!

I pushed hard during my workout yesterday morning, the morning before the basketball practice.  Did I mention that I'm not 18 anymore?

Reader!

I have at least one reader in the family...

Thankful (2 of 3)

I'm so grateful for my kids.

They really are heirlooms from God, arrows to be sent out (Ps. 127).

They drive me nuts sometimes.  But in some ways that makes me more grateful, because I know God is using it to help make me more like Jesus.  Also, I am more grateful for my own parents who put up with all my ballyhooing, shenanigans, and stupid immaturity wrapped in a self-determinative, independent shell.

The Bear is a caring little guy, can be very thoughtful, and has a tremendous drive to serve.

The Ninja is tender, but a warrior, and can find the joy of life in the smallest thing.

The Peanut is aware, perceptive, and has the spirit of a survivor.

All of them have infectious laughs that I get to hear often.  They all enjoy being around me for some reason.  And I'm a blessed dad.

GREAT Post from the Queen

I'll simply point you over there to see it for yourself.

Here's the link. Go read it.

It's like...

The kids, especially the boys, have imaginations.  Think about your favorite sci-fi show running into your favorite crime drama set in the context of Indiana Jones with a sprinkle of Disney's Austin and Ally on top.  Those kinds of imaginations.

And when they get started, they say, "It's like..."  And then the hilarity begins.  For me, the stories aren't all that funny.  But the kids laughing at themselves, even to the point of not being able to say what they want to say, is what is funny.

And for some reason the Holy Spirit prodded me last time I was thinking about that.  There are some things I don't believe (a la the smoke machine malfunctioning and causing the cave to catch fire where the horses were eating their cupcakes) that I need to believe.  And He whispered a few...

It's like a quenching, drenching, and powerful waterfall of love, poured out on you (Rom. 5.5).

It's like a well that's inside of you that not only gives you life but those around you too (John 7.39).

It's like fishing, casting a broad net, seeing what gets caught up in something larger than itself - except for men (Matt. 4.19).

It's like when I take a step, He takes a step and we get closer, though somehow He's already closer than I could imagine (James 4.8).

Yep.

It's like that.

But that's just me thinking thoughts...